Naaman: What a world. I'm captain of the host of the king of Syria, a great man with my master, and honorable, a mighty man in valor, but I'm also a leper.
Naaman's wife: At least you still have your peck....
Servant: To bad he isn't with the prophet in Samaria. He'd cure the leprosy.
Naaman: You think?
King of Syria: Worth a try, right? Go ahead, I'll send a letter to the king of Israel so he'll let you come.
Naaman: I'd better take some money with me, as well. Ten talents of silver, six thousand pieces of gold, and ten changes of raiment should do it.
LATER
Naaman: Here's a letter from my knig explaining everything.
King of Israel: Let's see it. Blah, blah, Naaman, Blah, blah, LEPROSY! Blah, Blah, Healer? What the hell! Am I God, to kill and to make alive, that your king sends to me to heal a man of his leprosy? Clearly, he seeks a quarrel against me.
Naaman: That's not quite the reception I expected.
LATER
Guy: So, he tore his clothes and said that.
Elisha: Really? Messenger!
Messenger: Yes?
Elisha: Go to the king of Israel and tell him I said, "Why have you rent your clothes? Let him come now to me, and he shall know that there is a prophet in Israel."
Messenger: Will do.
LATER
Naaman: Hello, is anyone home.
Messenger: Someone is at the door. I think it's the leper.
Elisha: Groos. I almost forgot. You go and tell him to go wash in the Jordan river seven times, and that his flesh shall come again to him and be clean.
Messenger: Go wash in the river.
Naaman: What!?! How dare he! I thought, "He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the Lord his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper.
Messenger: Yeah, God is a little tricky like that. Sometimes he can just zap you healthy. Sometimes you got to do a whole song and dance for him. God wants you to do the song and dance.
Naaman: And the Jordan river? Are not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? May I not wash in them, and be clean?
Messenger: Guess not.
Naaman: Bah! What a stupid, stupid God.
Servants: My father, what if the prophet had asked you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much better then, when he says to you, "Wash, and be clean?"
Naaman: You may be right. Fine, I'll do it.
LATER
Naaman: And number seven.
Servants: Look, your skin is clean! Too bad God doesn't let every leper heal themselves this way. God's kind of a dick.
Naaman: Now, let's go show Elisha!
LATER
Naaman: Elisha! Behold, now I know that there is no God in all the earth, but in Israel, now therefore, I pray you, take a blessing of your servant.
Elisha: As the Lord lives, before whom I stand, I will receive none.
Naaman: Pretty please?
Elisha: Nope.
Naaman :Shall there not then, I pray you, be given to your servant two mules' burden of earth? For your servant will henceforth offer neither burnt offering nor sacrifice to other gods, but to the Lord. In this thing the Lord pardon your servant, that when my master goes into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leans on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon, when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the Lord pardon you servant in this thing.
Elisha: Sure. Go in peace.
Gehazi: Elisha might not want anything, but I do. Hey, Naaman, wait!
Naaman: Is all well?
Gehazi: Yes, but, uh, my master has sent me, saying, "Behold, even now there come to me from mount Ephraim two young men of the sons of the prophets, give them, I pray you, a talent of silver, and two changes of garments."
Naaman: Be content, take two talents and some clothes.
Ghazi: Thanks! Bye bye, now!
LATER
Ghazi: The perfect crime.
Elisha: Where have you been?
Ghazi: No where.
Elisha: Went not my heart with you, when the man turned again from his chariot to meet thee? Is it a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and oliveyards, and vineyards, and sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and maidservants?
Ghazi: Uh, maybe?
Elsiah: No. So, now, the leprosy of Naaman shall cleave unto you, and unto your seed forever.
Ghazi: What? Not my children. they did nothing wrong!
Elisha: Tough. Git.
Ghazi. I'm white as snow. That sucks.
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